I had another observation today.

I still don't like being watched- I dislike it slightly less than I did at the start of the year, probably because I am so used to them.

I felt flustered, which was caused by the fact that I was collared by various colleagues while trying to prepare the lesson, and again this morning, so I didn't get a chance to gather my thoughts. I have come to feel that having even a few minutes to clear your mind and have some peace adn quiet is a key part to being in control in the lesson you are about to teach. Going through the plan, and especially going through what you are going to teach, are really important for you to really 'own' the session. If you don't 'own' the work, the learning that takes place is diminished- not a huge amount, it should still take place, but it feels like it's diminished to me.

So some calm before the storm (even if that 'storm' is a well-behaved and quiet class- not that today's was, I'm just saying) is, to me, very important for teachers. I think this may be a professional knowledge thing, too- you need to know when other staff are teaching, because I think it's important not to disturb people who are getting ready for a lesson unless it's really horribly important that whatever you're bringing them is dealt with right now.

The flustering, though, is also contributed to more broad-ranging stress about the job. I don't know where I'll be teaching next academic year. I can only hope that someone will hire me, so that I am actually teaching. This is why I've been somewhat demotivated about the course lately- I'm not sure I'll be able to complete the qualification, and I really want to, so the uncertainty is demoralising. I'm applying for jobs, but I haven't heard anything yet. My boss has said not to disappear, that they may have work, but I need some security, and I don't have it. Why is this in the PDJ? Simple- I am gaining real experience of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs- some of the needs that need to be met for me to learn and self-actualise aren't being met. Thus, I don't concentrate so much on my work.

Yesterday's seminar presentation went, not extremely well, but not badly. People were interested in what I had to say, but I had far too much to talk about, and only got through about a third of what I wanted to present. The trouble is, the subject had been so interesting for me that I didn't want to miss any of it out. So tomorrow morning, when I have time, I shall be typing up what I would have said (because there won't be room for it in my written assignment either) here, for your delectation.

And I wonder, with this being the third time an assignment has gone way, way over 'budget' as far as length is concerned, why I have trouble with timing my lessons. I always want to do too much. Maybe I should get lazy, and want to do less...